What’s your sign mean for next month’s workouts?
Written by: Susan Lacke
You will find interpersonal communication difficult on the 30th, when your description of the past weekend’s training activities prompts your water-cooler buddies to query, “But…why would you do that to yourself?”
Your fashion intellect is high this month. Try incorporating an unexpected element into your running wardrobe, like a tutu or “Hello Kitty” band-aids on your nipples. It’s just the refreshing fix your race outfit needs!
Your partner will be feeling neglected as you ramp up your training. Pull out all the romantic stops on the 25th – declare the two of you will be gettin’ frisky without stopping to record your heart rate. It’s a gesture that would make anyone swoon.
The crossing of Jupiter and Saturn will cause you to feel unmotivated about day-to-day activities. Skip laundry for the month. The odor emanating from your reused workout clothing will prove to others just how dedicated you are to training.
The moon is in Uranus this month (snort, snicker), causing you to question some very important things in life. To make things easier, know this: The answer to everything is “Kara Goucher.”
Around the 11th, outspoken Mercury wants you to be more vocal. Grunt extra loudly while doing arm curls at the gym. Anyone who rolls their eyes at you is only jealous of the gun show you’re putting on.
You will experience the fabled “second wind” during your workout on the 25th. It will not smell very good. Quit running with your Uncle Artie the morning after Taco Tuesday.
A particularly windy and hilly workout on the 18th will leave you tired, frustrated, and bemoaning your choice of sport. Man the <bleep> up. Nobody likes a whiner.
On the 10th, Venus will increase your adventurous side, leading you to seek out new experiences in training or racing. After you try the port-o-john by the lakefront running path, you will quickly return to your old ways.
You will be feeling especially generous between May 1 and May 3 — cover the post-workout coffee for everyone in your training group. While you’re riding the generosity high, send all gifts of money, tri bikes, and sweet, sweet cupcakes to Susan Lacke, “Out There,” (c/o Competitor Magazine, San Diego, CA).
Neptune rises on the 7th, keeping you humble as you train — you still have much work to do before you will truly succeed in your sport. Unless you are a triathlete. Then you are God’s gift to the world and people should aspire to be like you (but then again, you already knew that).
A Mars-Pluto convergence grants you the ability to reward yourself for all your training efforts. The soft-serve machine is not exempt from the words “all-you-can-eat,” no matter what the buffet waiter tells you on your tenth trip.
See you Out There!
Susan Lacke does 5Ks, Ironman Triathlons, and everything in between to justify her love for cupcakes (yes, she eats that many). In addition to writing for Competitor, she serves as Resident Triathlete for No Me at Athlete, a website dedicated to vegetarian endurance athletes. Susan lives and trains in Phoenix, Arizona with three animals: A labrador, a cattle dog, and a freakishly tall triathlete boyfriend. She claims to be of sound mind, though this has yet to be substantiated by a medical expert. Look for her print column in the pages of Competitor magazine, and follow her on Twitter: @SusanLacke.