Competitor Classics: Welcome To Babbittville!

It's the Mayor of Babbittville!

Introducing the mayor of Babbittville!

It’s a mythical, magical place for endurance athletes.

Written by: Bob Babbitt

Since I have been involved in the wonderful world of endurance sports for the better part of the past three decades, I have decided that it was about time to secede from the Union and create a paradise of my very own. Of course, if you our loyal readers would like to come and inhabit what I shall call Babbittville with me, I would love to have the company.

So what would this place be like? I am so glad you asked!

* If you are participating in an event, no one else from your age group would be competing so that you would always come home with the biggest medal. Even better? The other people from your age group could come, but they would simply be there to stand on the sidelines and cheer for YOU!

* All marathons would be flat and short.

* All cycling roads would have large shoulders and be slightly downhill. The drivers would all be polite, there would be no debris or potholes and the wind would always be at your back.

* Wherever you go during your hot training rides or runs, someone would be there with a big smile on their face to hand you a cold sponge.

* The weather would always be so nice that in Babbittville there would never be a need for gloves, bike shoe coverings, hats or arm or leg warmers.

* The ocean would always be 72 degrees and crystal clear and anytime you were in the water, the sun would always be out.

* Any event you enter would provide a cooler-than-cool medal no matter how you do.

* Portapotties would always be right there, no one would ever be in line and they would be spotless.

* Broken chairs, flat tires and broken spokes would be unconstitutional.

* Sunblock would never drip into your eyes.

* Every event would have a post race massage table and would always be open and ready for you.

* I apologize to our buddies in sports medicine: No one gets injured in Babbitville…ever.

* The only Performing Enhancing Drugs allowed would be Pop Tarts, Slurpies and anything with the word Hostess on them.

* The only big grey things in the ocean would be dolphins.

* Women would finally realize that guys having soft abs and muffin tops are actually really good looking.

* Your legs always feel fresh and springy.

* The words ‘bonk’ and ‘cramp’ would cease to exist.

* In a triathlon, the transition area would be ten steps from where you park your car and ten steps from the beach.

* Instead of cut up bananas, orange and bagels, the post race spread would always feature Tri Tip sandwiches, tater tots and cold beer.

* Everyone in Babbitville would always wear a name tag.

* Everyone is friendly to each other in Babbittville. If you say hi to a fellow cyclist, he or she will always smile, wave and say hi back…even the roadies.

If you have some other ideas to help make Babbitville even better, let me know at bbabbitt@competitorgroup.com!

****

Bob Babbitt is the founder and editor-in-chief of Competitor Magazine.

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