When it comes to the hugely popular satirical news site The Onion, everybody’s a potential target for their jokes—even runners.
Over the years, The Onion has had some fun at our expense—jokes about our gear, our willingness to suffer and even our reasons for running in the first place.
We scoured through the site’s archives to find some of our favorites:
“The real takeaway from our research is that just getting off the couch once a day may be enough to give you one or two more years of clutching at your lower back and wincing.”
“The challenge was to build a bot that would be impressed with its own minor achievement.”
“The new app pinpoints the unique existential angst at the core of each runner’s workout routine.”
“I feel so bad for all those poor people who are missing out on this just to get an extra four or five hours of sleep.”
As the race toward minimalism heated up in 2012 (before the pendulum swung the other way), The Onion satirized it to the extreme.
“In an effort to reduce soreness and prevent injury, New York City Marathon winner Geoffrey Mutai immediately followed his victory Sunday with a 7,209-mile cool-down jog from Central Park to his hometown of Mumberes, Kenya.”
Among them: “Visualize your success and how good it will feel to accomplish something hundreds of other people will accomplish before you that day.”