7 Times The Onion Poked Fun at Runners

When it comes to the hugely popular satirical news site The Onion, everybody’s a potential target for their jokes—even runners.

Over the years, The Onion has had some fun at our expense—jokes about our gear, our willingness to suffer and even our reasons for running in the first place.

We scoured through the site’s archives to find some of our favorites:

1. New Study Finds Running for 20 Minutes Each Day Could Add Years of Soreness to Life

“The real takeaway from our research is that just getting off the couch once a day may be enough to give you one or two more years of clutching at your lower back and wincing.”

2. Scientists Debut Robot That Can Run a Half Marathon, Smugly Brag About It

“The challenge was to build a bot that would be impressed with its own minor achievement.”

3. New Nike Running App Tells You What You’re Really Running From

“The new app pinpoints the unique existential angst at the core of each runner’s workout routine.”

4. Early-Morning Jogger Pities Everyone Still Sleeping

“I feel so bad for all those poor people who are missing out on this just to get an extra four or five hours of sleep.”

5. New Balance Releases ‘Laces Only’ Minimalist Running Shoe

As the race toward minimalism heated up in 2012 (before the pendulum swung the other way), The Onion satirized it to the extreme.

6. New York City Marathon Winner Does Cool-Down Jog Back to Kenya

“In an effort to reduce soreness and prevent injury, New York City Marathon winner Geoffrey Mutai immediately followed his victory Sunday with a 7,209-mile cool-down jog from Central Park to his hometown of Mumberes, Kenya.”

7. Marathon Training Tips From The Onion

Among them: “Visualize your success and how good it will feel to accomplish something hundreds of other people will accomplish before you that day.”

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