Out There: Doublespeak

What runners say and what runners mean are two different things.

Runners are the biggest liars around. It’s not that we intend to lie, mind you – but what comes out of our mouths usually doesn’t reflect the truth. Sometimes it’s because of good intentions, sometimes delusion – but most of the time, it’s because runners just live in an alternate reality. What we say versus what we actually mean are two different things.

 

What runners say: “I’m going to do my run at 4 A.M.”

What runners mean: “My snooze button is about to get quite the workout.”

 

What runners say: “It’s not a very long run.”

What runners mean: “We may cross state lines.”

 

What runners say: “Let’s take it easy today.”

What runners mean: “Runners, take your mark…get set…”

 

What runners say: “Hold on, my shoe is untied.”

What runners mean: “I gotta catch my breath, dude.”

 

What runners say: “Good running shoes are an investment, you know?”

What runners mean: “Please don’t tell my spouse how much money I spent on this pair.”

 

What runners say: “I have a healthy appetite.”

What runners mean: “This is my third breakfast today.”

 

What runners say: “I’m just going to do a quick run.”

What runners mean: “See you in two hours.”

 

What runners say: “I think I’ll wear leggings to work today.”

What runners mean: “There is chafing in unspeakable places.”

 

What runners say: “Eew, look at that gross thing over there!”

What runners mean: “Please look away while I blow a snot rocket.”

 

What runners say: “It’s a technical trail.”

What runners mean: “You have health insurance, right?”

 

What runners say: “I read somewhere that active recovery is better than rest, actually.”

What runners mean: “I will run with this injury until it goes away and/or requires amputation.”

 

What runners say: “Oh, I’m just doing this race as a training day.”

What runners mean: “I haven’t run in four weeks.”

 

What runners say: “I’m going to do a quick warm-up jog over there.”

What runners mean: “Be right back, gonna take a leak in the bushes.”

 

What runners say: “It’s a rolling course.”

What runners mean: “We’re doing hill repeats up a ski jump.”

 

What runners say: “Those were some monster hills!”

What runners mean: “I had a bad race and need something to blame.”

 

What runners say: “I started my taper yesterday.”

What runners mean: “Don’t talk. Just leave the pizza and walk away.”

 

What runners say: “I’m carb-loading.”

What runners mean: “I had three donuts for an afternoon snack.”

 

What runners say: “I am never doing that again.”

What runners mean: “Ask me again in two days.”

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About The Author:

Susan Lacke does 5Ks, Ironman Triathlons and everything in between to justify her love for cupcakes (yes, she eats that many). Susan lives and trains in Salt Lake City, Utah with three animals: A labrador, a cattle dog, and a freakishly tall triathlete husband. She claims to be of sound mind, though this has yet to be substantiated by a medical expert. Follow her on Twitter: @SusanLacke

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